Reaching for success

There is a lot to learn from failure, and each year I find that I have found new lessons to learn, and each year pass with flying colours in all the set papers.

In return, I seem to gain experiences (which I can share), shed assumptions (most of which were given, and prove based on prejudice), and discover the limits of my abilities (which are often closer than I’d hoped, but further than I’d feared).

So, like any lifelong learner – I love all the New Year blogging, and learn much from the posts from this time of year. Yet it is those I know who have failed along the way who I listen to hardest, whose stories they can share without shame.

You see, I cannot help but struggle to listen to those successful, vocal and over-confident voices who have not really risked or lost. You know they type – they seem to go from one successful placement to another, seem to take risks that work out, or seem to say what the majority have been thinking- and say it better. Though I like these people, and even consider some of them friends, I struggle to consider them authentic.

Oh, hang on a minute – you might be thinking – isn’t that a tad hypocritical?

It’s true, there have been times when my life has seemed to go on rails, if not straight, then at least smoothly. Like many people, these are the times I feel more able to share. In fact, reading from my tweets and public profiles alone, one might think that I have achieved and succeeded way more than I have.

It is true, I have been guilty of preening and parading my successes, and hiding the pain of my failures.

Partly this is because I do not blog very often, and rarely feel compelled to publish my feelings and opinions; though would always be more than happily discuss in person. But partly, this is because our culture does not value this level of honesty. So, I have not been honest. Reading the many New Year blogs I have cause to question my own voice, and my part in creating a myth around failure.

Those of you know have met up with me in the past 3 years will know that things have been pretty shit – and that since leaving BrainPOP UK, I have ‘failed’ in a series of projects. In terms of what I mean by failure – that is a whole different post, which would need more context than I can give here.

But, each one hurt and took something away from me.

Over the past year I have worked my way out of depression and have no intention of going back. In large part it was the love of my family what saved me, but also the knowledge from previous failures that I can survive, and that pain is temporary. I have had successes in the classroom, for clients, and in playing ultimate frisbee.

There is a lot on twitter and on blogs about failure, and how important it is. Much of it is wise, inspirational and clever. Yet, there is an assumption that failure is a necessary component in learning. This is clearly not a simple truth.

If real failure leads to great success, then 2014 should have been the most successful year of my life. Instead, it was one where I learned a huge amount (about myself, and those closest to me), and even more about the near miss, the nearly there, the almost got it, the catch that was out of reach.

So, here’s what I learned in 2014: Failure as part of a story of success, is not real failure. Describing failure as be an ingredient in a future success is a false trail.

Yes, we all need to risk more, not be afraid of failure – but, believe me, there is no inherent good in having risked almost everything and losing. It sucks.

In 2015, I may not achieve as much as I once dreamed, but realism has it’s own rewards (as do age and experience. I intend to work hard, work ethically, and work effectively. I will try to play more often, play with others (nicely) and play fair. I hope to laugh more, smile more, hug more.

Hope to see you soon.

Have a happy, healthy and successful 2015.